just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
