I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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