just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
