My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
two words: eviction party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
