A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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