So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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