Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
