I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
