I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My ass is underappreciated
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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