no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
