My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
