This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
