what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
