He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
