I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize