I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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