Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
