Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
