I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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