She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
