I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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