Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
