I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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