I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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