Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
