i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
