Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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