So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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