whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
