Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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