well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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