I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
