Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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