This is not my ceiling
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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