fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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