You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
