why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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