every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
