I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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