Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
