I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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