My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
