I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
