i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
