I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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