My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
