Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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