sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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