some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
