You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
