I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
