This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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