You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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