kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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