I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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