pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
