His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
