I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
