That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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