smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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