I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
