Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
