The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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