I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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