My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize