Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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